"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
