There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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