Already got asked if we're dating
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
