Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Shame - the story of my life.
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