you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
