tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
