Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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