im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
