Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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