I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Still dying that you shit outside
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
