nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
