Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
