his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
