Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
