haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
