i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
