how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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