haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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