just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
