did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
