I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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