Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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