Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize