just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize