What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
