you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
