i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You're like the curious george of whores
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
