Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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