Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
