i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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