Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
