Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
