i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize