I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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