she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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