When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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