I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he fucked my hip out of place.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
