Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
