i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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