You can't special order awesome
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
