dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So vagazzling was a success
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
