He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
