I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
