My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
MIDGETS
????
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
