You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
