This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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