shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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