If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
