70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
