The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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