idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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