I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
