I can tuck mytits in my pants
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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