she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
