Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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