I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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