Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We're using joints as your birthday candles
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
