come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I will pee on everything he values.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
