I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
