i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
