alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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