How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
