he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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