It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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