yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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