like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
