I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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