If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
