Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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