It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
